his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
