In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
