One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
