is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have feelings that need drinking.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
