4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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