I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
