shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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