laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
