Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
