gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Houston, we have a blender
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
