Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
