Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
