so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't deserve a penis
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
