i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
