If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
