I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
