So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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