I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
