I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize