He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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