worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
