apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
