Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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