Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
