honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
