What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
