My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
