I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Mom said you looked used
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper