Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?