Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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