My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
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Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.