I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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