he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
