Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
