have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
