my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
