I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Damn victory sex feels great
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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