screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
