I wish life had little blips of pornography
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
