Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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