just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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