drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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