Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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