i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
