so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
