Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
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He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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