Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
