I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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