I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
