I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
