went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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