its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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