You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
