NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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