Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
