i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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