Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
