Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
