he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
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Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
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Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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