I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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