Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
