We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
