I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You pole danced in your parka.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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