easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
