Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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