how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
