FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
