I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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