just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
