If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
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Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize