1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
