Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
