Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i think i have two assholes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
