Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
