first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
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God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
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There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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