A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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