my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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