me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
