didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
