You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
