new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
