PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He passed out mid-signature
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
