the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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