A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
