u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
