you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
