You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
